Smart Casual and Other Expressions I Hate

THIS IS NOT A COLORING BOOK. BUT IT CAN BE IF YOU WANT.

In the vein of Chelsea Handler, Joan Rivers, and Amy Schumer, Smart Casual is a short collection of hilarious personal insights regarding English idioms and expressions. You’ll read about “lose one’s marbles,” “drop-dead gorgeous,” “keep the ball rolling,” and many more.  

KEEP THE BALL ROLLING. Have you ever seen a football? You can’t roll it because it’s not round. It’s shaped like Stewie Griffin’s head on The Family Guy—a prolate spheroid—which is shaped after an inflated pig’s bladder. Do you know why? That’s what people used when football originated . . . Listen, if you need animal organs to play a game, don’t call yourself a ballplayer. Call yourself a butcher.